How Does a Godly Man Deal with an Unfaithful Wife?

Losing a child is no doubt the most devastating loss a man can experience. The second most traumatic is the unfaithfulness of his wife if she commits adultery. Both experiences involve the loss of someone precious. The loss of a child is heart-wrenching and permanent and the loss of trust and intimacy because of adultery is excruciating. The question is can a marriage survive, much less thrive, after unfaithfulness enters the relationship, or is divorce inevitable? 

Some would point to Scripture and conclude that divorce is the only response if adultery has been committed. Deuteronomy 24:1 says, “If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds some indecency in her, he may write her a certificate of divorce, hand it to her, and send her away…” 

In this case “indecency” means sexual immorality. 

But what does a man who wants to be godly do if he discovers his wife has been unfaithful? Is he commanded to divorce her? The answer is an emphatic ‘No’! While Jesus permits divorce in the case of adultery, it is not commanded. 

I believe that Scripture would instruct a godly man to approach such a situation as follows: 1) He must forgive her from his heart, Ephesians 4:32 and 2) He should seek reconciliation, if possible, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.  

If his wife is unrepentant and is determined to leave the marriage, then the godly man is to let her go (1 Corinthians 7:15). But if she is repentant and wants to work on restoring trust and being committed to the marriage, then the godly man, I believe, needs to trust God for the grace and strength to persevere in the marriage. This will not be easy. But God will always grant us all we need to do the right thing. If there are children involved, all the more reason every effort should be made to preserve the marriage. 

God places a very high value on marriage. It is a picture of Christ and His Church and should be treated as holy. May God help us to do just that.