Two Extremes Part 1
Every area of life has its extremes. Religion has its liberals and conservatives, politics, as well. In sports you find the fair-weather follower and the fanatic. Parenting is no different. In between the harsh parenting style and the permissive style, you will find the balance, a noble if not somewhat elusive goal.
While I am not the ultimate expert, I have raised four children, a girl and three boys, and I do have an opinion on the matter, for whatever that is worth. I will admit that my tendency is to lean toward the harsh side. My wife, however, was much more balanced, if anything she probably leaned toward the softer side.
The fascinating thing is that whichever the extreme adopted, it always appears perfectly justifiable to the individual. The only person who cannot see the behavior as extreme is the person who is practicing it.
It is my prayer that this article, will help someone who is caught in an extreme parenting behavior to recognize themselves and find help to move toward a more balanced approach. Let’s examine the harsh behavior first.
Proverbs 6:4 warns fathers, “…do not provoke your children to wrath; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Berean Study Bible) While some mothers can be harsh, the general tendency can be for fathers to be very stern and overbearing with their children. This will not only produce frustration and discouragement in the child, it will produce anger, as well.
Fathers, we have the authority given us by God to guide and instruct our children. We do not need to be overbearing to accomplish this. When our child disobeys, our kind but firm response will suffice to bring about a change in their behavior. In this way our children will grow to obey out of love and respect for us and not fear.
James 1:20 tells us, “…man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” Our anger will not help our children to love the Lord or follow His ways. Our kind and loving approach will encourage and enable them to do both.