Two Extremes – Part 2

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. That being the case, a goal to shoot for, men, is to avoid the extremes of parenting styles. Scripture gives us clear information on these two extremes in Ephesians 6:4 and the book of Proverbs. Last time we examined the harsh style that characterize some fathers. This time we will look at the other extreme – the permissive father.  

While it is dangerous to treat our children too harshly, it is equally dangerous to not discipline our children. To be clear the discipline I am referring to and that the book of Proverbs talks about is spanking. I am not speaking of slapping, hitting, or shoving your child, but after carefully and calmly explaining the offense to your child, you need to apply the “board of education” to the “seat of knowledge”, enough to hurt but not enough to cause permanent harm. Long enough to establish your authority, but not so long as to cause resentment and undue fear in your child. 

The permissive father may think that he is loves his children too much to discipline his child in this way but listen to Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” The rod talked about here is some sort of paddle. In our house it was a wooden spoon. Big enough to sting, but not harm. Never use your bare hand to spank your child. 

Also, be very careful not to spank older children. This only leads to anger and resentment, and rightly so. If you start using appropriate spanking to fit your child’s age (a couple of spanks for younger children and only 5-6 spanks for children 5-6 years old), you will not have to spank your child after this age. A good rule is one spank for each year. If you are a permissive father, please listen to this word from Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”  

The stakes are high. But our children pay the price if we are not careful to discipline them with love in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Seek the Lord diligently in this and He will guide and strengthen you.